Happy =)

Happy =)

Every day I’ve been trying to make my friends smiles.

Every day I’ve been trying to make my friends cheered up.

Every day I’ve been trying to make my friends safe.

Every day I’ve been trying to make my friends full of love.

Every day I’ve been trying to make my friends happy.

But yesterday, they make me feel special.

I had the most splendid and marvelous birthday ever. Please don’t be mistaken of what happen that night. I wasn’t shredding tears kay. It’s was just a glimpse and flashback of the past that I’ve been through. That I thought nobody care bout me. But yesterday, was the day I’ve got my answer. Really2 sorry guys for all the worst thing I’ve done to u guys. You guys are the best. Thanxss for everything. I don’t know how I should repay you guys. Love ya all.

Akeboshi -Wind (naruto soundtrack)

A song that i think suitable for me right now =p

Cultivate your hunger, before you idealize
Motivate your anger, to make them all realize
Climbing the mountain, never coming down
Break into the contents, never falling down

My knee is still shaking like i was twelve
Sneakin' out the classroom, by the back door
A man railed at me twice, though
But i didn't care
Waiting is wasting, for people like me

Don't try to live so wise,
Don't cry 'cos your so right
Don't dry, with fakes or fears
'cos you will hate yourself in the end

Don't try to live so wise,
Don't cry 'cos your so right
Don't dry, with fakes or fears,
'cos you will hate yourself in the end

You say dreams are dreams
I ain't gonna play the fool anymore
You say 'cos i still got my soul
Take your time baby
The road needs slowin'down
Reach yourself, before you bloom
Reflections of fear make shadows of nothing
-shadow of nothing-

You still are blind if you see winding road
'cos there's always a straight way to the point you see

Don't try to live so wise
Don't cry, 'cos your so right
Don't dry, with fakes or fears
'cos you will hate yourself in the end

Don't try to live so wise
Don't cry 'cos your so right
Don't dry with fakes or fears
'cos you will hate yourself in the end

Don't try to live so wise
Don't cry 'cos your so right
Don't dry with fakes or fears
'cos you will hate yourself in the end

'cos you will hate yourself in the end
'cos you will hate yourself in the end
'cos you will hate yourself in the end

Shame

Admitting my weakness

Finally the exposure

And that’s why I post it.

With all my heart, i never meant to hurt you, harm you reading my blog. But now I know that you are reading my blog. And that really2 make me happy. Because finally I am able to say the things I’ve been keeping so long that just won’t come out from my mouth. Finally I found the way to really communicate with you. Finally you know what’s wrong and what is the problem in my head.

I kept

· Making the false accusation

· Making people to understand me

· Making people to know me

· Making people to trust me

· Making to “pujuk” me

· Making people to pay attention to me

· Breaking a promise that I never meant to

But I never try to

· Hurt you

· Disappoint you

· Make you sad

· Make you feel bad

· Make you cry

· Say bad thing bout you

But it happens and,

I try to understand you. Never meant to say that you a bad friend. And now, I know that we have a lot of difference and it seems there’s a lot of thing that we kept.

Okay, although I would prefer a face to face conversation, but it never appear to be come true talking bout it because some people rather forget bout it and just keep it quiet making a poison in their heart like me. Here it goes anyway. Why I said the things I said. As you know, I am a hard-headed person who only thinks he’s right and like to emo that don’t care about others feeling when I did that. But some of the thing that happen out of our control make us different. For example, I read a whole page just about promises. Or maybe two in a row that really taken me back. I am crush reading those because I really didn’t mean to do what I did but still, I deserve it. Actually, what had happened was, the thing happen BEFORE I make the promise, I did try to explain and tell you but you cut me off wanting to forget everything. 2^nd, when I complaint about how people mistreat me and said things to me, you said not to think negative about it where I was just trying to tell what I thought and misinterpret. But again it seems as if I’ve been cut off again. I am a person who really2 like to talk and it kind of hard to not able to. And finally, I kind of loss a lot of topic when I am not able to tell a story even though it’s not around when you said it’s hard to imagine something it’s not here. Well, that I’m agree. I’m a bit trasa but it’s not a big things actually when I gave something to you but you just praise the other person making me feel unappreciated and when I thought I am close to you but in ur blog I nothing found anything interesting bout me in fact just my biggest mistake in the world (breaking promise, agree with that), and it seems I’m the only one who has no relationship with you. I am a negative thinker when I said that what you did making me feel used and not important in your life. I know but still, i think negative, it does not mean that we have to show that we care. And I started to treat you like that because I felt like being treated like that actually. Childish.Hee.. =p

What I think went wrong,

· I am a person who just want to talk2, story2, bebel2, scream2, brag2 bout things and most of it not reality and fantasy just a bout me but you rather make it short and talk something more related with us. So, it kind holding me back to tell story as if you are not interested. Story bout things unrelated to us, is always came up in my mind I just can’t seem to stop talking.

· The problem is when I start to campare. Then, I will only see the bad side, think the wrong way. When something happen to me, I kept it making poison that kills me. Making me think irrationally.

· We are not really in the same channel but I just make the assumption. When I am a person who really like to show that I care, but you’re kind of a "silent care". I tend to assume you don’t care.

I am the culprit actually. But in the end, now I know a lot

of things. How are you. What you think and the way you think.

A biggest SOORRY I would say. But I think enough is enough and I get the point. Don’t want to fight anymore, this is the last thing bout that. Thanx for being the best friend wasting time reading this unthinkable blog, and responding to it. And a biggest thanx for trying to find the solution. I really2 love you as my friend.

Friends fight though.

Hope we're still friend after what i did here.

Newton 3rd Law

Friend??

Should

-be there for you

-never get bored listening to our same problem

-help you

-answer another friend when in need

-reply his friend as soon as possible coz maybe something important or emergency happening

Supposedly not

-be there whenever he/she feel like to

-say “you’ll always mourn about the same thing, so why should I bother, you’ll always be like that”

-help you if they feel like to only

-just say “nothing” to another friend’s curiosity because they don’t feel like to answer

-ignore his friend calls and message because they just feel lazy to even it maybe an emergency call

Different people have their own perspective and view toward friends, and how they treated them. With all do respect, we can’t judge people by the way they treat people, but it will reflect the way they feel like to be treated. Newton’s 3^rd law, when there’s an action, there will be a reaction. When we treat people like that, we will get the same treatment like that.

p/s-this may be sound annoying as if I’m the only who think I’m right, but I think this is what if felt. Kinda crush me when I heard, “I just don’t feel like to reply you”, when he/she can response to others around you. I’m a pain in the ass as you have to play with my emo, but this is me. Sorry.

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

everything i own

ohh...
You sheltered me from harm
Kept me warm, kept me warm
You gave my life to me
Set me free, set me free
The finest years I ever knew
Were all the years I had with you
And...


I would give anything I own
Give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give ev'rything I own
Just to have you once again
Just to have you once again

I would give anything I own
Just to have you once again
I would give anything I own


Give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give ev'rything I own
Just to have you once again
I would give anything I own
Give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give ev'rything I own
Give up my life, my heart, my home

I would give

Ev'rything, ev'rything I own
Ev'rything, ev'rything I own
Ev'rything, ev'rything I own
Ev'rything, ev'rything I own
Whoa

Deeper Conversation -Yuna

Is your favourite colour blue?

Do you always tell the truth?

Do you believe in outerspace?

And i'm learning you

Is your skin as tanned as mine?

Does your hair flow sideways?

Did someone took a portion of your heart?

And i'm learning you

And if you dont mind

Can you tell me

All your hopes and fears

and Everything that you believe in

Would you make a difference in the world

I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation

Only you can make me

I let my guard down for you

And in time you will too

if you don't mind

Can you tell me

All your hopes and fears

and Everything that you believe in

Would you make a difference in the world

I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation

Only you can make me

if you don't mind

Can you tell me

All your hopes and fears

and Everything that you believe in

Would you make a difference in the world

I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation

Only you can make me

Deeper Conversation

with me

Deeper Conversation

with me

Deeper Conversation

with me

Deeper Conversation

with me

lost key

the door is always open

because i lost the key

how

How can I tell my problem if you said I’m going to tell the same thing

Going the complaint the same thing

How can I tell a story if you said it’s hard to understand because it’s not here

Because it’s not happening to you

How can talk to you if I don’t have the chance to speak

Don’t have the opportunity to express myself

How can I make a sound when you don’t even listen

Don’t even realize I’m here

How can I hurt you again when I hurt you enough already

How can I open my mouth when you made me shut up

I used to be the one who will be say hello when we met

I used to be the one who will always plan and make the party happening

I used to be the one who will listen to the entire problem

I used to be the one who will search the solution to make it better

I used to be complex and monitored every detail

Now, I am the one who will wait for the hello

Now, I am the one who will wait for the plan to work and only join the party

Now, I am the one who will tell (express) the problem

Now, I am the one who will be quiet and wait for the solution

Now, I am the one who will make it simple and it be

Put yourself in the others shoes

A friend Is always a friend

The Problem

I admit that I always had a fight with my friends. And i am the one that will always ‘merajuk’. There was once I didn’t talk with Syauqi for two weeks. Argue with Radzi and we can’t see each other face for a month. Misunderstanding with Fabe because of girls. Didn’t talk with Eizzaty for a month. With Nani, countless time already I fought with her, and almost jeopardizes our friendships.

The reason. I think, most of all, it was my problem. I will always be the culprit. Think too negative and maybe I am too complex and complicated which make people headache especially who prefer simple. Maybe this is me. That I can never change my way of thinking. The only solution, is sometimes, I need to keep myself shut so that people can think. Haha.

And now, I am not really in a good phase with my college friends. But something holding me back to express myself. Something in the past make me scared to tell. I am angry to what happen to me, piss of because of what I think unfair. But I can’t blame others for what I’ve done and I think I’ll just need to keep it down, give them some space to breath. They need to focus on Ausmat and I don’t want to add their burden with my ‘kerenah’. Need to make myself invisible. I’ve already a troublesome. Heee… Sorry guys

The consequences for my quietness and isolation, there will always an incident that will always remind me of them when I argue. For example, if I watch a MU match, it will remind me of my friend whose name was also one of the players. Haha. The worst part is, you were trying to ignore them because of a reason that is hard to explain, but they keep coming to you unintentionally and coincidently. Evrywhere I go, these thing will appear to remind me of them I care. Even at my college it appear to be there.

However, the outcome of all the fights and misunderstanding, they know me better, they know my weakness, our friendship became stronger. Just the phase to pass the argument and start speaking with each other again and apologizing is a very difficult task.

All i can say is just. I think, a friend, is indeed will always be a friend.

Lucky

According to the “wordweb”, luck stands for an unknown and unpredictable phenomenon that causes an event to result one way rather than another; leads to a favorable outcome. Lucky, in the other hand, is an occurring by chance; having or bringing good fortune; presaging or likely to bring good luck. But, what does it really mean? Some say, lucky to win in gambling or any match or tournament and be the first. Some say, to have suddenly get everything we wish for from a wishing star or a genie. Haha. Well for me.. Well, for me, let’s look back

through the path of my life..

September 26^th 1991, I came into this world with a cute white chubby face. Yeah, I was a chubby kid. Anyway fast forward to the day of my first primary school in S.K Taman Senangan. Frankly speaking, I was quite a looser back then. I was bullied by other kid because of my skinny body posture. They always make fun of me and call names. Hate that. Sheesh!! Luckily, I had 5 close friends who always there with me. They kind off a body guard. Haha.

Moving to the next point(mcm speech ar pulak), after my first success in UPSR, that was my stepping stone to be a new person with a new life. I moved to S.M.K Dato’ Onn Butterworth and there, I was kind of a different person.

Since I started to be involved in the school basketball, it has totally change my life. My popularity rose up as I enter the school basketball team and I was the only malay who manage to join, and support by the fact I ws a school prefect. My first duty, and it kind of make everyone knows me. Hehe.

Then finally, I moved to S.M.S Tuanku Syed Putra my last secondary school before I went to my present college Kolej Bandar Utama. Oh yeah, I was also selected for the National Service. Well through all of my life, I make many friends and mostly teach me a lot about life.

The Friends

People say, friends are acompanion in our life. Where, we can find joy andlaughter. Where, we can find shelter and a place to argue and complain. Where, it create a lot of memories in life. My first close friends was in my primary school; Nazmi, Najmi, Azril, Azri, and Iqbal. We always hang out together. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any picture of them to put in. Damn.

Anyway, In my secondary school in Dato’ Onn, there, I met Ahmad Syauqi. My bestest friend ever. We were the same class for three amazing years and always there side by side. We looove to sketch and draw compete with each other whose better. We always compete in everything, games, sport. But he always won when it comes to computer games or any other games. He was the king of game during that time. I can only beat him in sports. Haha.

Next , Nur Shamiza Amira. Spectacle, cute, cool and most importantly, a simple person. Nice. She was a genius in school. People say, “no need to study pown boley score oo” haha.. That’s the word I can describe about her. She was quite a shy and quiet person. Very a Manchester United fan. Love to study. And a very closed friend to me.

There was a time of misunderstanding, and we fought. But, she was always there for me, even now when I’m at my college facing problems. Giving me the strength to carry on. Her best friend was also my close friend, Miss Syafeena Rais. Hehe. Another genius who love books. The one who has helped me in my math during my PMR. =)

(Alip flirting with Miza while feena is sleeping.. haha..)

Then, in Syed Putra or better known as Sytra, I met five, make it six best friends. Alip. The first one help me tour-guide me in my new school. Another gifted genius. No need to study at all and just sleep. But still, straight A’s. And now, he is studying in Intec Uitm with miza and syafeena.

Mr Radzi Razali, tough, brave and always love to fight.

But deep in his heart, he was a loving person.

A big brother to me. Who will always protect his loved one especially his friend, like me.Haha

He’s still his studying in Uitm Penang. Hazam or also known as Fabe, a basketballer, friendly, fun and sporting.

Love his parent a lot and always help mein my study for SPM.

Currently, he is studying medic in Alexandria University. Together with me, radzi and fabe, we made the Phyton Playaz Crew. My first dance crew. BBoy. Yea.

The girls, lovely. I love them so much. Miss Eizzaty Zakaria (Kak Yong) and Miss Azwa Abdrahim (Kak Cik). Small and cute. Understanding and knows me very2 well. They are always there for me and I always called them if I need help and share my problems. Kak Yong was kind of a big sister to me where she will always scold me even if I was sad. “garang”. In fact, she is the commando in her university marching club. However., she is also a caring person to her family. Hehe..Kak Cik pulak, my little sister. Even though she was born earlier than me. She loves Kamen Rider. Every time I had my problem, I will always look for them.

Miss Hazwani, also known as Nani. Cheerful, talkative fun to argue. A shopaholic because she love to read “Shophaolic”. Hehe. I admit that we have always argue with each other because of lot of isssues. But it was fun. Another person who I can really count on. Love green so much that I called her, Shrek. Unfortunately, she would me Fiona. A best friend who will always answer my calls and waste time and money arguing and sharing. Someone that I can really be myself. Ahaks.

Finally and currently, friends in my college.

Mr. Imran. Very very the friendly. Love to make friends and mix around. Loves to hang out with friends. Hujan lovers. Loves to enjoy and have fun. Love to rush for the bus. And always try to please his friend. A friend who I can really express myself in this college.

Nur Fitrah Salim a.k.a. Pp. Described as small and cute also. A very2 simple person. Love to play a round and loves to make friends also. But often, people misinterpret her intention of making friends. She loves Ice Lemon Tea. Don’t like Tiger biscuit. And most importantly, loves doll. But not Barbie dolls. I guess.

Hazlinda. Pinky girl. Everything for her is pink. Loves to watch movie. Look like a Chinese but don’t really know how to speak Chinese. Loves cute2 stuff.

Nur Elia Anuar, a hyperly active girl who loves to sail and play with water. I respect her for he great talent in sailing and in managing her time for her study. Nur Atikah Sobri with her quote, “Apo heng ni!”. Loves to laugh. A very2 very genius girl who can even sleep during the SPM Add math paper. We had a fun memories hanging out at Putrajaya last year, celebrating the end of ielts. We went for sailing with elia and it was stupendous. I really miss that time when we all were very closed and had fun. But I think I really2 blew it. Hmm.

Anyway, there also group of guys and girls that are very interesting in their own way. Such as the hostelian; Najib, Haris, Fahman. The gang, where I can really be crazy. Dota fans. Haha..

The players; Goloque, Femau,…

The Brothers; Ibad, Afiq, Aqil, Ady

The 192 girls; Nur fateha, Raihanah, Sherina, Shareen and others…

In the nutshell, I am still in touch with most of my best friend. People say, we can only have one or two best friends, but it seems to me, I have countess of them. Having friends, fight and creates memories, shares the fun and laughter, and having someone to rely to. The words friends means a lot to me and i am still searching for it. Yeah, I think I can say, that I am lucky.

Thanxss.