Monday, June 28, 2010


When I pretend,
Everything is what I want it to be,
I looked exactly like what you had always wanted to see,
When I pretend,
I can’t forget about the criminal I am,
Stealing second after second just cause I know I can,
But I can’t pretend that this is the way, it'll stay, I’m just,
(Trying to fend the truth)
I can’t pretend I'm who you want me to be so I'm,
(Lying my way from)

You!!!!!!!!
(No, no turning back now)
I wanna be pushed aside, so let me go!!
(No, no turning back now)
Let me take back my life
I’d rather be, all alone!!
(No turning back now)
Anywhere on my own, cause I can see!!!
(No, no turning back now)
The very worst part of you…
IS ME

I remember what they taught to me,
Remember condescending talk,
Of who I ought to be,
Remember listening to all of that,
And this again,
So I pretended up a person who was fitting in,
And now you think this person,
Really is me and I'm,
(Trying to fend the truth )
The more I push,
The more I’m pulling away,
Cause I’m,
(Lying my way from)

You!!!!!!!!
(No, no turning back now)
I wanna be pushed aside, so let me go!!!
(No, no turning back now)
Let me take back my life,
I’d rather be, all alone!!
(No turning back now)
Anywhere on my own, cause I can see!!!
(No, no turning back now)
The very worst part of you….
The very worst part of you….
IS ME!!!!!

This isn’t what I wanted to be,
I never thought that what I said,
Would have you running from me,
LIKE THIS!
This isn’t what I wanted to be,
I never thought that what I said,
Would have you running from me,
LIKE THIS!!!!
This isn’t what I wanted to be,
I never thought that what I said,
Would have you running from me,
LIKE THIS!!!!
This isn’t what I wanted to be,
I never thought that what I said,
Would have you running from me,
LIKE THIS!!

YOU!!!!!!!!
(no turning back now)
I wanna be pushed aside, so let me go!!!
(No, no turning back now)
Let me take back my life,
I’d rather be all alone!!!
(No turning back now)
Anywhere on my own, cause I can see!!!
(No, no turning back now)
The very worst part of you…
The very worst part of you…
IS ME!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Us-mad


Did you ever feel like

You are on the stage and everyone is staring at you

Waiting for you to make a move

Did you ever feel like

You are representing your country in a badminton game

The whole country is counting on you

Did you ever feel like

Someone is pointing a gun on your head

Forcing you to give everything as if you have nothing to loose

As if the fate of your dignity, your country, your life, is in your hand

The tense, the pressure, until you can no longer stand

Expecting you to do anything you can

A simple slip you made

People laugh at your mistake

The blame, is yours to take

You could even be shot in the head

And the next thing know, you’re dead

Get scold by your dad, then you’re upset,

You feel so mad, you gave everything you had

Screaming, “I am trying to get a good grade!”

My friends,

This is where we are now, this is where we stand now

This is a different situation

A new stage, a higher level, a crazier destination, the tension

It’s harder, It’s tougher, it’s getting more pressure

With exams and tests we have to take

With assignment and work we have to make

Oh, man! Give me a break!

Deep down below

We’re in a sorrow, our marks are low

We have to face another day tomorrow

We just can’t keep up with the flow

But, it is not too late

We can’t go back, this is the path we take

There is a success we need to make

Our future is at stake, so break a leg

We got to make a move

Either we back out to loose

Or we buck up to improve

Hey, switch on the lights

We are going to stay up night

We’re going to fight and strike

Or we will never get in that flight

We got to plan a plot

Success is our only option, failure is not

So this is our last shot

Feet fail us not, this may be the only opportunity that we got

So, come on bro

It is not the time to lay low

No more time to watch J-lo show

On the HBO

Oh, I forgot, we don’t even have an Astro

Okay, Got to go, See ya’ll tomorrow

Good luck, peace!!

All the things i kept..

All of these.. is what i wrote a long time but i just kept it by myself.. this is just to release it..
but nothing is related now... this was during the tioman and all... so.. it was the past and i dont think about it anymore now.. used to.. buts okay now... releasing what ive kept.. haha...thats all.. thank you...
what the heck..

written:bila ntah...

The Life Of a president....

Kisah ni x melibatkan sesiapa ade ada kena mngena dgn sesape. Sekadar luahan kata hati n menceritakan pengalaman yang dialami.

Al-kisah seorang insan biasa, yang sebelum ini, hidupnya sgt sempurna, dengan keadaannya, masanya dan yang paling penting, kawan2 nya. Beliau merupakan seorang yang periang dan sgt2 friendly even so dia still try to practickan perwatakannya di khalayak ramai bagi menyenangkan perasaan org. Dia saangat beruntung kerana mempunyai kawan2 yg selalu berada di sisinya, dan memberi semngat. Sering mnanyakan khabar. Mereka selalu hang out dan lepak menikmati masa keriangan bersama. Waktu susah dan senang dihadapi semua. Dia sangat saying akan kawan2 nya sehinggakan sanggup mengorbankan masa, tenaga, wang dan apa2 sahaja, sahaja demi kebahagian kwan2 nya. Kerana dia percaya, tidak ada yg lagi bahagia and menyenangkan selain melihat rakan2nya gembira dan senyum disamping mendapat teman kehidupannye.

Walaubagaimanapun, His life starts to turn out into unfortunately . Haha.

Dia telah dilantik menjadi seorang wakil, ketua, diberi kepercayaan, dan kuasa untuk memimpin. At first, semua berjalan dengan lancar kawan2 dia sgt supporting. Memberi semangat utk dia terus berjuang. Namun, sejak kehidupan dia berubah, daripada pandangan seorang yg lapern kepada seorang yang sngat sibuk, serabut(haha), x reti dok diam, dan di tahap org hanya mahu melihat perubahan, hasil, expectation yang sangat tinggi, menilai semua perbuatan dan keputusan yang dilakukan kan, dan menanti sebarang kesilapan dan kemungkinan besar, menanti kejatuhan kerana once you up there, people start to see you in all aspect. Bak kata citer spiderman, Great power comes with big responsibility… haha..

However, setelah sekian lama dia menjalanai khidupan yang barunya itu, something yang pelik dan aneh dirasai, dan antara factor membuatkan dia sgt2 down and somtymes, hilang arah. Lately, handfonnye selalu berdering, dan banyak msg2 yg penting perlu dia layan. And mostly, org2 atasan or ahli2 sekerja. Namun, tidak satu pown khabar dari rakan2 nya, hanya membisu. Tiada lagi “hai”, tiada lagi “how r u” tiada lagi “jom, lepak”.. Kebanyakannya, dia berbualkan tidak lain dari soal kerja dan aktiviti. Keperitan bertambah apabila, dia melihat rakan2 nya senang bergelak ketawa, senyum riang,.. perasaan gembira melihat semua itu mnjadi cemburu dan kekeliruan apabila dia menyedari bhwa dia tdak tahu apa2. Perkembangan kwn2, kisah rkan2, gosip2, bagaikan dia hilang talian perhubungan bersama mereka. Lost in everything and trasa sbg stranger and outsider. Hari demi hari, dia menantikan, melihat talipon bimbitnya utk bordering n menntikan utk mndengar suara rakannya. Even a simple hye. Can make a different. Kemuakan melihat text2 yg hnya berkenaan kerja membuatkan dia ternngin sgt2 utk text rkan2nya sekeling even yang tiggal berdekatan. Kerna, melalui itu, wujudnya perasaan dat, dye ada life n kwn. Unfortunately, hari itu sukar utk diramal akn muncul lagi.

Mengapakah boleh jd cmni? Persoalan ini selalu bermain di fikiran dia. Adakah dia terlalu sibuk sehinggakan tidak ada masa utk rkan2? Adakah rkan2 nya tidak lagi mahu melepak ngan dia yg berlainan standard?

Kerunsingan ini telah mnyebbkan dye murung, emo, tidak senang dgn situasi dia. Cubaan utk mncari tmpat mngadu kian lama trut hilang. Kini, dia bagaikan layang2 yg ptus talinya, hilang tmpat bergantung, keseorangan dlm dunia nya sendiri. Tidak tahu kemana dapat dia lepaskan keperitan n luahan mslahnya. As some of his friends, sibuk, mmpunyai perkara sndiri, mungkin mempunyai teman yang baru. Some may think apabila mlihat beliau dlam keadaan bgitu, mereka mngangap bhwa dia tidak sesuai sbg srg ktua, tdk teguh dn kuat, kesesalan memilih dia utk berada di posisi itu. Nmun, sebaliknya, semua tanggapan itu salah, kerana, sememangnya perkra seperti itu sukar utk dhandle, tp dgn usaha, kerja dpt dijalankan spt biasa dan senang. Even somtyme bleyh nmpak dia trlalu sygkn kwn dye, sacrifise stdy and all demi kwn dye kuz dye cya kwn dye. For him, its okay. Putting himself in second priority while his friends first. Cuma kepelikan yg berlaku yang antara hbungan kwn2 membuatkan dia tension x ke sudah. For the 1st tyme dye trasa so lonely.

Ahh.. what the heck..

Tak guna utk menyesal lagi, people don’t care, people nak tgk result kpimpinan u saje. People ad prob sndri, mslah sndri, sibuk hal sndri, stady,xder msa nk layan. Watpe nk tetibe buzz ko? Org da plan len la.. Sorry to say, but it’s life. Sometimes, we cannot expect people to understand us and help with our probs, somtymes we need to handle it ourself, b strong. Telan semuanya. Lantaklaa..

Akhirnya, Dia terpksa meneruskan hidupnya. Mencari jalan, melakukan anthing, ape2 yg dpt melupakan diri trhadap mslah yg dihadapi, escaping the harsh reality and enter thr world of fantasy. Dia cuba –meng-occupykn diri bermain basket, game, menonton mvie, memboroskan diri, even dpat membeli sesuatu utk dirinya sudah ckup memuaskan..Dia terpaksa memekakkan telinga, tidak mengendahkan rkan2nya yg riang ktwa kan sesuatu yang dia sah2 lost. Face day after day, memgang henfon yang hanya sbg hiasan dan mungkin hal kerja n stady. Menebalkan muka, menyebok jika org nak kuar lepak seolah0olah dijemput. Cuba utk have some fun n have a life. Buat derk je, and sebagai seorang ketua, tak ptot menunjukan reaksi yg bermasalah kerna nnt org xkan percaya or mngkin ragu2 ngan kpmpinan dia. Terpaksa menyampaikan senyuman yg lebar, demi menyenangkanorg lain,dan menunjukkan kte seorang yag kuat dan tbah…

I’ll try my best to make our batch the best and our days here in college life memoriable.

Nmun.. smpai bila…

now i know..

Okay..
After ivee seen it, ive eperience it, after knowing it, after reading it...

now i know..

no matter how hard you try, no matter how big you sacrifice, no matter how much you lost..
it just doesnt matter...

the more you do.. the worse it get.. and finally.. you'll just be nobody...
i messed up.. big time... and that is all it takes for everything youve done... seems like nothing youve done.. one or even twice the culprit... the whole things is gone..

im just a stepping stone.. that people will just step and forget..
no one.. just a small entity..


when they get what they want.. when they get what they need..
when they are all happy... they dont need you anymore...

youre are just "someone" in their life...







i dont know y.. i kept doing this..
i dont know why i sacrifice all this...
even, it never benefits me..
it never gave me anything..
it never satisfy me..

what the hell...



hmm..
mayb this is the fate of ..
those people.. who likes seeing people happy...
those who like making people happy..
those who put theirself last from anyone else..
being out of the picture..
or maybe i think too much.. or maybe i hope to much.. or maybe ive done too much..
haha..



theres no turning back now..
what have done.. it is all there..
i will still do my part..
i will still do my best..
i will still keep on smilling..
i will still make you guys happy...
but i think i will never going to hope high as i always did...
s it will always kiills me at the very end..



it is not about me...
life must go on...
ill do anthing for you guys..

what the heck...

Its been a long time..


wah.. dah lame ...
means.. lame gila-gila-gila x update blog neyh...

haha...
last update 2007... mak aih...
maybe was soo busy making nad creating my life.. haha... what da heck..

now im rebuilding this blog... to see what it can help me...
haha... need it...

sometimes need to tell it straight foward so that people know and understand... haha...