Finally, it’s the end of our journey, The Ausmat journey. It’s seems just like yesterday we registered at KBU and without realize, it’s been 18 month there. And throughout the 18 month adventure, I did learn a lot of new things, meet new friends and know a lot of very interesting character. It appear to me that I would to share of my opinion of some of the character I faced.
“Don’t chase me, but I will chase you”
This characteristic is the type that is very difficult for me to understand in the first place. A person who rather not showing their enthusiasm toward you, doesn’t show any interest in you and rarely express their appreciation toward what you did. It would be more obvious when, you saw them crying, sad, feeling down or heartbroken, and you tried your best to be beside them, be there for them, unfortunately, it turns out they want you to leave them alone. However, when you tend to ignore them, they would slide in to your life slowly. They would suddenly run to you, text you, call you, eventually they show that they need you, appreciate you. Maybe they feel like they loosing you when you ignore them, and then they try to chase you back. Or they just would be the one who doesn’t like to burden others.
“I will be everywhere you go”
This is another interesting characteristic but rare. A type of person who will always be there for you, be around you, be there with having fun and laughter and that person would be the key of the enjoyment, the team player, the party starter. They will always make you laugh, and forget about your troubles. Although it only help us in short-term period, but hey, it’s help. They rarely go deep with you, solving the problem, preferable to forget bout them which is great, but the problem never goes away, which is bad. The best thing they will always be there to cheer you up. Be there WITH you.
“Are you okay?”
A type of person that I think I know the most. The one who never give up on no one. The ones that always be the ear. The one that never stop asking “are you okay?”. They can’t help it. They will always ask. The ones who really want to know everything. Solve all the mystery. Help out. The ones that would consider themselves as being there for you. This is because they would always listen, and try to understand you. Believe in everything you say. Be by your side. The good things is that they will always be there FOR you. The bad thing is, they are annoying.
Well guess what, it is just my opinion and what I saw. And what I learn is, nobody ARE not perfect.
p/s:more to come on daily experience and views
You and me tonight
You and me tonight
Happy =)
Every day I’ve been trying to make my friends smiles.
Every day I’ve been trying to make my friends cheered up.
Every day I’ve been trying to make my friends safe.
Every day I’ve been trying to make my friends full of love.
Every day I’ve been trying to make my friends happy.
But yesterday, they make me feel special.
I had the most splendid and marvelous birthday ever. Please don’t be mistaken of what happen that night. I wasn’t shredding tears kay. It’s was just a glimpse and flashback of the past that I’ve been through. That I thought nobody care bout me. But yesterday, was the day I’ve got my answer. Really2 sorry guys for all the worst thing I’ve done to u guys. You guys are the best. Thanxss for everything. I don’t know how I should repay you guys. Love ya all.
With all my heart, i never meant to hurt you, harm you reading my blog. But now I know that you are reading my blog. And that really2 make me happy. Because finally I am able to say the things I’ve been keeping so long that just won’t come out from my mouth. Finally I found the way to really communicate with you. Finally you know what’s wrong and what is the problem in my head.
I kept
· Making the false accusation
· Making people to understand me
· Making people to know me
· Making people to trust me
· Making to “pujuk” me
· Making people to pay attention to me
· Breaking a promise that I never meant to
But I never try to
· Hurt you
· Disappoint you
· Make you sad
· Make you feel bad
· Make you cry
· Say bad thing bout you
But it happens and,
I try to understand you. Never meant to say that you a bad friend. And now, I know that we have a lot of difference and it seems there’s a lot of thing that we kept.
Okay, although I would prefer a face to face conversation, but it never appear to be come true talking bout it because some people rather forget bout it and just keep it quiet making a poison in their heart like me. Here it goes anyway. Why I said the things I said. As you know, I am a hard-headed person who only thinks he’s right and like to emo that don’t care about others feeling when I did that. But some of the thing that happen out of our control make us different. For example, I read a whole page just about promises. Or maybe two in a row that really taken me back. I am crush reading those because I really didn’t mean to do what I did but still, I deserve it. Actually, what had happened was, the thing happen BEFORE I make the promise, I did try to explain and tell you but you cut me off wanting to forget everything. 2nd, when I complaint about how people mistreat me and said things to me, you said not to think negative about it where I was just trying to tell what I thought and misinterpret. But again it seems as if I’ve been cut off again. I am a person who really2 like to talk and it kind of hard to not able to. And finally, I kind of loss a lot of topic when I am not able to tell a story even though it’s not around when you said it’s hard to imagine something it’s not here. Well, that I’m agree. I’m a bit trasa but it’s not a big things actually when I gave something to you but you just praise the other person making me feel unappreciated and when I thought I am close to you but in ur blog I nothing found anything interesting bout me in fact just my biggest mistake in the world (breaking promise, agree with that), and it seems I’m the only one who has no relationship with you. I am a negative thinker when I said that what you did making me feel used and not important in your life. I know but still, i think negative, it does not mean that we have to show that we care. And I started to treat you like that because I felt like being treated like that actually. Childish.Hee.. =p
What I think went wrong,
· I am a person who just want to talk2, story2, bebel2, scream2, brag2 bout things and most of it not reality and fantasy just a bout me but you rather make it short and talk something more related with us. So, it kind holding me back to tell story as if you are not interested. Story bout things unrelated to us, is always came up in my mind I just can’t seem to stop talking.
· The problem is when I start to campare. Then, I will only see the bad side, think the wrong way. When something happen to me, I kept it making poison that kills me. Making me think irrationally.
· We are not really in the same channel but I just make the assumption. When I am a person who really like to show that I care, but you’re kind of a "silent care". I tend to assume you don’t care.
I am the culprit actually. But in the end, now I know a lot
of things. How are you. What you think and the way you think.
A biggest SOORRY I would say. But I think enough is enough and I get the point. Don’t want to fight anymore, this is the last thing bout that. Thanx for being the best friend wasting time reading this unthinkable blog, and responding to it. And a biggest thanx for trying to find the solution. I really2 love you as my friend.
Friends fight though.
Hope we're still friend after what i did here.
Friend??
Should
-be there for you
-never get bored listening to our same problem
-help you
-answer another friend when in need
-reply his friend as soon as possible coz maybe something important or emergency happening
Supposedly not
-be there whenever he/she feel like to
-say “you’ll always mourn about the same thing, so why should I bother, you’ll always be like that”
-help you if they feel like to only
-just say “nothing” to another friend’s curiosity because they don’t feel like to answer
-ignore his friend calls and message because they just feel lazy to even it maybe an emergency call
Different people have their own perspective and view toward friends, and how they treated them. With all do respect, we can’t judge people by the way they treat people, but it will reflect the way they feel like to be treated. Newton’s 3rd law, when there’s an action, there will be a reaction. When we treat people like that, we will get the same treatment like that.
p/s-this may be sound annoying as if I’m the only who think I’m right, but I think this is what if felt. Kinda crush me when I heard, “I just don’t feel like to reply you”, when he/she can response to others around you. I’m a pain in the ass as you have to play with my emo, but this is me. Sorry.
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
How can I tell my problem if you said I’m going to tell the same thing
Going the complaint the same thing
How can I tell a story if you said it’s hard to understand because it’s not here
Because it’s not happening to you
How can talk to you if I don’t have the chance to speak
Don’t have the opportunity to express myself
How can I make a sound when you don’t even listen
Don’t even realize I’m here
How can I hurt you again when I hurt you enough already
How can I open my mouth when you made me shut up
I used to be the one who will be say hello when we met
I used to be the one who will always plan and make the party happening
I used to be the one who will listen to the entire problem
I used to be the one who will search the solution to make it better
I used to be complex and monitored every detail
Now, I am the one who will wait for the hello
Now, I am the one who will wait for the plan to work and only join the party
Now, I am the one who will tell (express) the problem
Now, I am the one who will be quiet and wait for the solution
Now, I am the one who will make it simple and it be
Put yourself in the others shoes
The Problem
I admit that I always had a fight with my friends. And i am the one that will always ‘merajuk’. There was once I didn’t talk with Syauqi for two weeks. Argue with Radzi and we can’t see each other face for a month. Misunderstanding with Fabe because of girls. Didn’t talk with Eizzaty for a month. With Nani, countless time already I fought with her, and almost jeopardizes our friendships.
The reason. I think, most of all, it was my problem. I will always be the culprit. Think too negative and maybe I am too complex and complicated which make people headache especially who prefer simple. Maybe this is me. That I can never change my way of thinking. The only solution, is sometimes, I need to keep myself shut so that people can think. Haha.
And now, I am not really in a good phase with my college friends. But something holding me back to express myself. Something in the past make me scared to tell. I am angry to what happen to me, piss of because of what I think unfair. But I can’t blame others for what I’ve done and I think I’ll just need to keep it down, give them some space to breath. They need to focus on Ausmat and I don’t want to add their burden with my ‘kerenah’. Need to make myself invisible. I’ve already a troublesome. Heee… Sorry guys
The consequences for my quietness and isolation, there will always an incident that will always remind me of them when I argue. For example, if I watch a MU match, it will remind me of my friend whose name was also one of the players. Haha. The worst part is, you were trying to ignore them because of a reason that is hard to explain, but they keep coming to you unintentionally and coincidently. Evrywhere I go, these thing will appear to remind me of them I care. Even at my college it appear to be there.
